Dance Floor area - Tao Nightclub

Dance Floor area - Tao Nightclub

Just finished watching Mardi Gras. Time for a dance! A friend of a friend has a birthday at none other than Tao, where I had a good time last Saturday for their ‘Satisfaction’ grand opening, so let’s try it again – here we go!

Satisfaction @ Tao Ultra Lounge

Assessment Time: 11:00 – 03:00am
:  396 Pitt St, CNR Goulburn St (Old Mandarin Club)
Dress Code / Door Policy
: Dress nice. Tonight even crossdressing asians were allowed. On entering, the security guard warned me to keep my hat off inside. I managed to keep it on inside without being told off.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge
: Free for ladies before 11. $10 before midnight on guestlist. $20 full cover charge fee.
: Email or SMS 0438 889 892
: Beneath the former Mandarin Club (Now Mr B’s Hotel), Tao Ultra Lounge/Bar is a small area split into even smaller areas – A carpeted area where most dancing occurs. It holds 50-80 people. There are two lounge areas on either side of the dancefloor. A DJ is along the wall next to the bar on the wooden area. The wooden floor area is the general ‘lets stand around and chat each other up’ area with bar and some tables and stools.
Cloak Room
: $4 per item
: $19 for 2 Carlton Draughts and a Corona. Current promotion is $5 drinks and $16 jugs of beer before midnight.
: Xcentrik, R*One, Normz, Edo, Day-Day
: RnB and some house. DJs tonight are MASSIVELY guilty of repeating songs twice over. Even some house songs such as ‘Riverside’ got repeated later in the night. I like that song, but you can see whoever was here earlier for the first iteration of the song stop dancing, and silently groan that they’ve heard this song before.
: Almost entirely asian. There were handful of white guys with yellow fever (disgusting) and a white girl looking a bit lost, but that was all from what I could see. Asians were all English speaking Australians.
t: No extra entertainment, just the MC.
: Overall it was a pretty good atmosphere. People are dancing on the carpeted area, and its dark enough to be a bit private. Lounge areas are dark, and the bar is bright for people who just want to mill around. Most importantly its busy, but not sardine packed. It’s a good balance.

360 Video
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Keep reading for my encounters with the various girls in here

Everyone has a bloody bowtie
This year I’ve been putting on a bowtie more often when I head out to the clubs. Tonight though, when I walk into the club, HALF THE MEN IN HERE HAVE BOWTIES. Why!? A simple explanation – I’ve walked into a birthday party and the theme was Beauty and the Geek. They probably thought I was part of the invite list. anyway I found a guy dressed as a beauty! Cool… something I definitely would have done a year or so ago…

Beauty and the Geek theme

Beauty and the Geek theme

Speaking of Beauty and the Geek – If you ever saw season 1 Australia – The Asian guy apparently looks like me:

Alan from Beauty and the Geek Australia looks like m

Best. Ratio. Ever
It’s been a while since I’ve been to a club with a whole crapload of asian girls. Well here’s a photo:

A tonload of girls

Can I get an Amen? AMEN!

The Riverside Dance!
Me and my friend do the Soulja boy dance pretty well, and  we just learned the Riverside Dance, which is pretty lame but effective. Luckily for us, the song came up twice tonight, so we went up to random girls each time and did the dance. Its quite a charmer – People around just follow the simple moves and you all become friends. Awesome.

The Riverside Dance Video:
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Girl almost did something stuipd.
I ask a girl who looks so bored if she wants to dance with me. I mean, who wouldn’t? She said ‘no’, because she said ‘she might do something stupid’. You have got to be kidding me. Did she not know who I was? and what possible stupid thing CAN you do anyway? Dancing with me  is the a freaking privilege! I swear, it was just going to be an innocent dance.

If you aim high and miss… you get a free grind.
Throughout the night I am trying my best to mack on this tall girl – she lets me grind but nothing more. Later in the night, her really short friend came up and told me that tall girl missed me, but it appears the short girl is more drunk. So we started grinding. Heavy grinding. Let me tell you.. when a girl is giving you a vertical bodyslide grind with her boobs, you know you’re in. pwoooarrrrrrrr never has someone used her boobs so well. I have fallen in love with her in 3 seconds flat.

Mouth rape
She bends down and she doesn’t come back up… Strange. A moment later, I realise she is too drunk to stand up again. Godamn!! So I pull her up and we swap saliva, while my arms are struggling to hold her up so she doesn’t collapse and get kicked out. Besides all this, she was seriously trying to rape my mouth. She was jabbing that tongue of hers into me without my permission, I had to fight the damn thing off . I seriously was caught by surprise by the verocity of the digging action by her tongue – I really felt violated! She left to go home with friends, (booo!), and she has probably woken up with no idea what happened – well… your story is on the interwebs now! LOL

Ignorant friends
I went back to my friends, who I assume saw the whole thing, but they mentioned nothing. I didn’t say a word either, so I’ll leave it up to them to find out on this review, lol.

2 guys lost in a club
I stand there looking around. another guy stands next to me and looks around as well for his friends. Our eyes catch each other. We gaze. We smile. I wonder what he smells like as our smiles become laughter. I have no idea who he is and he has no idea who I am. We secretly share telepathic messages about nothing. A shrug of the shoulders, a manly handshake-hug and he leaves. A strange experience but it was interesting.  

My leg is bastardised
I am standing there, and a girl in a white dress comes straight to me and then I said. LETS DANCE. So she grabbed my waist, and basically humped my leg viciously back and forth for a good 5 or 6 hits before moving on. A strange experience but it was interesting. 

Oh its a fob!
I saw some FOBs here in the club. I love fobs. I say hello and ask where they came from originally. They were all from Sydney, Australia. How embarrasment.

Near the end of the night, the floor was about half capacity, and I wanted to do a cartwheel, but I had to carefully look out for security guards. I stepped 10 steps back and just stood there on the spot. My friends look at me puzzled. After the security guy walks away, I quickly dash and do my cartwheel. Success! I turn around and there is a guy standing there. Luckily its not the guard, but a random who saw my cartwheel and was waiting for a hi-5. So I hi-fived him and we danced for a song.

Left at 3am due to tiredness, lack of girls, friends being tired and music switching to house.

For the second week Satisfaction has held its momentum from the Grand Opening. Not too packed but busy enough to keep you in. Relatively low entry cover charge and enticement for women to come really helps here. Dark setting and aircon assists with atmosphere, but the main carpet area can get stuffy sometimes, but expected in any club. If you come here, come with friends.

Satisfaction @ Tao gets 9.0/10 tonight.

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2 Responses to Satisfaction @ Tao Ultra Lounge / Mr B’s Hotel Sydney: Saturday 27th February 2010

  1. Muse says:

    hey james, this is a cool blog.
    keep up the good work

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