This was my second time here. The first time, I was stuck with Dez and her friend Ben. Ben refused to go to the other 2 levels, and so I had a pretty shitty time. Hope tonight was better.

The Retro Hotel
Music: Retro, Rnb, House from the 80’s, 90’s and early 2000’s
Location: 81 Sussex St
Cover Charge: Free before 9pm, or Free if you were dressed for the night’s theme. Otherwise it’s $20
Atmosphere: Party, fun
Crowd: Mixed nationalities, generally a bit older.
Dress: Casual and fun. Theme nights are held every Saturday.


Early arrival
Got there with Tanya at around 8pm for birthday drinks. I was stamped on my way in. Only ground floor was open at this time, and there were people dancing already!! This place is nuts. I did some dancing with Tanya, birthday girl Jane and her friends. Tanya and I left about an hour later to get to her place.

Early departure
At this point in time, I am thinking.. sweet I’m going to score. She puts on a DVD of her favourite movie Bra Boys, then promptly passes out on the sofa. WTF! It was 11pm.. and I am wide awake. So I walked back from her Kings Cross apartment all the way back to the Retro…

The return of the James
Jane had already left when I got back, so it was just me on my own. I went straight up to the middle level. Some pure 80’s and 90’s retro stuff going on. I then quickly went to the top level. It was classic rnb. Cool, something I can dance to.

I was basically doing laps around the room, and dancing with the same or new groups who were keen to dance. There were two podiums on each level and I hogged a lot of it. The music was great, all singalongables as well as danceables.

Friends denying a chick her rights to dance with a hot guy .. why ?
As mentioned I was doing laps around the room. A particular group of 3 girls I would drop by and dance with. The one who was most interested and most fun, I guess, was the biggest one. She loved it, so I danced with her and had plenty of fun. They were actually here for a friends birthday. They pointed the birthday boy to me. He was sitting along the wall with his mates having a drink, refusing to dance. Each time I came around, I would dance with her. About the 5th time, the birthday boy stood up, grabbed her hand, and pulled her away from me. Why deny her rights to have fun dancing on the floor. Why ? I wasn’t going to take advantage of her – I wasn’t drunk.

Crazy Ballet Dancers
I was dancing, arms in the air walking by another group of 3 girls. I look in their direction and throw a little boogie. The tall asian right away pounces and starts her crazy dance, hair flying everywhere. She was crazy good. I asked how she became such a good dancer – she told me she was a Ballet dancer. If it weren’t for her normal voice, I could have easily mistaken her for Vanessa from So You Think You Can Dance Australia. She took photos of me. I asked for facebook details so I could be tagged, but I was met with a ‘I dont even know you’. C’mon.. at least limited profile?

Dancing with Brides (to be)
On this top level alone there were 2 brides to be for their hen’s nights. The bride and her girlfriends usually congregate in a circle just dancing on their own. What present could I give to a bride to be in a club ? A grinding dance of course. Theoretically, jumping in the circle and doing a seductive hip-hip grind dance would tingle her spine and get her girlfriends wild. That was theoretical. I jumped in the circle, stick my leg in between hers and start to grind dance. Both girls during both times she was frozen in time, unsure how I managed to sneak in and start to dance with her. The first girl was unimpressed. She gave me this really cold look, and so did her friends. Geez. I told her “happy wedding!”. She replied. “I’m not getting married”. Right, and that’s why you’ve got the freaking veil thing on your head. The second girl said “Thanks!”, while standing there, not moving. I ask if she would like to dance. “no.”… Geez. I left that cold circle. Perhaps a sandwich with another guy would have gotten her more receptive.

After the top level died (2am) I headed down another level.. and another Hens night was going on! I decided not to even try out my theory with Hen’s groups. However after about a few minutes the drunkest of the girlfriends went up to me on the podium and danced. She was my way in. Slowly, one by one, I progressed and danced with each girl. They were probably fascinated by the wig I was wearing at the time. After some small talk, I pretty much established some form of contact with all of the girls (about 8 of them) and I was safe. At this point in time Natalie was touching my hair, so I took it off and gave it to her. Seeing the hair as a wig drove the girls crazy, shocked that the hair wasnt real. The next thing was ‘I want to wear it!’. So they did.. and I’m sure right now some of their profile pics are of themselves with my wig. The bride was the most conservative of the group and was least willing to dance (but she did dance) … there may be a pattern here.

Left around 3.30 after a quick shuffle on the ground floor, where they changed to retro trance music, early 2000’s house. Would definitely come back here dressed up for the theme of the night!

Here’s a group photo with me on the top floor.. (Note the bride in front of me – she was the one who ‘wasn’t getting married’)


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