Are they real?

Today I am avoiding RnB – and I have never been to Club 77, so lets check it out – Here we go!

The Party @ Club 77
Assessment Time: Part I: 10:30-11:00PM, Part II: 02:15-02:30AM
Opening Hours:10:30-4:00am
Website: http://www.myspace.com/club_77, http://www.myspace.com/mrparty
Address:77 Bayswater Road, Kings Cross, Sydney
Dress Code / Door Policy: Casual is the norm here.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: I haggled the guy to $5 each, under very suspicious circumstances.
Guestlist: None
Inside: The entrance to Club 77 is a typical black wooden door, with the party smoke gashing out of it. The Club itself is underground, so you got to walk down the smokey stairs to enter the area licensed to hold 280 people. Bar is on the left, DJ at the front, and a handful of lounges at the corners, where it is very dark.
Cloak Room: None
Bar: $3 for a lemonade as far as I can recall
DJs: Who knows, and more importantly, who cares?
Music: I can’t put my finger on the crap that the DJ was playing. It wasn’t quite house, and it wasn’t quite retro and it wasn’t quite pop. It made me feel uncomfortable. You would try to dance to it, but the music was such that you couldn’t go hard at it – you were forced to relax to the thumping noise. Imagine being at a gay bar and hearing this kind of music…
Crowd: Part I: Entirely Asian. Yes, can you believe it? Easy to explain – It was just me and M for the first 30 minutes. Part II, it was more mixed now – half asian, and the other half were two caucasian guys. No females at all.
Entertainment: None
Atmosphere: Dead, dark and shit. I would rather go have my fingernails pulled out to get my adrenalin rush than to be here.
Walkthrough Video of Club 77
YouTube Preview Image
Read on about the travesty that is Club 77 – porno, cockroaches and more.

First in?
We walked here and arrived 10:30. As the doors opened, I saw a shabbily dressed guy who was SLEEPING ON THE SIDEWALK, suddenly wake up and walk in. Was this the place I wanted to check out? Got to the bouncer, and he said we were the first patrons. The other dude was a staff member!

They tried to rip us off
We don’t know what to expect tonight. At the door, we ask how much the cover charge is. The dude raises one hand to signifity 5 dollars, and then glances a look at the other guy who shakes his head slightly momentarily, and then he raises his other hand to make it 10 bucks!!! WHAT?!? I had to bargain those bastards back down to $5 each, claiming we were the very first patrons here. They agreed and took the money. There was no cash register.

Free Porno
I am exploring this little club, and walk to the bathroom. A little thing was found. Porno pictures all over the wall! It’s just a huge freaking wall covered from floor to ceiling with nude chicks with nothing to hide. It’s an amazing sight. This is 2D heaven on Earth. Look to the other wall for the opposite sex bathroom, and you are presented with scores of images of just penises. There’s not many faces or bodies of the men in question, its just a zoom in on many bushes, and their dicks flopped out for you to perve on. Bloody disgusting. M refused to have a photo taken with the phallic wallpaper, but hey, we took some with the boobs! Check them out:

The wall of porn @ Club 77

The wall of porn @ Club 77

The wall of porn @ Club 77

M with his wife

We also opened the door to one of the bathrooms, and the moment we opened the door, eminating from the otherside was a blaringly bright, epileptic, strobe light coming from who knows where. BLINK BLINK BLINK it yells at us. We did not dare walk inside. This place was starting to scare us out.

Special Room
There is also a special room at the back. The entrance to the door says ‘Gay Room’ or something. I did not walk inside there.

The club has flatlined
After giving this place 30 minutes, a total of about ZERO people turned up while we were there. This is the most DEAD club I have EVER been to. Worse than the failed once off rnb night at Home Bar, worse than the opening night at Katsumas , and even worse than the night I was the only one at a Katoomba Club dancing to James Brown with a 40 year old DJ who looked like point dexter (This was before this website started) – at least that place was free entry!! Even my local library is more alive than this place.

The empty dancefloor that is Club 77

The empty dancefor that is Club 77

The only other patron is a Cockroach
It is just the two of us and eight staff members. So let’s do some cartwheels! I take a video of my cartwheeling. Upon my second attempt I stumble upon a cockroach! Check it out:
YouTube Preview Image
That is probably the most depressing thing about this club – to have a cockroach sneak into here for free entry while humans pay $5/$10 to have the privilege to mingle with the wildlife here. This place makes me wish I could throw up right then and there.

Mini Arrivederci
We leave 11:00PM to check it out later to see if it has picked up, to return approx 2:00AM

The population has doubled
I and M have returned for Part II of Club 77, hoping that the place was more busy. We walked in downstairs and there was no longer a man guarding the entrance – you could just walk in for free. FML. As we got inside there were TWO GUYS inside! Wow, that is now four of us in the club.

These two guys like us.. a lot
Theres two bored looking guys at the bar. We all struck up conversation, and they are pretty friendly… but I presume they are a little drunk, because nobody could be so happy in a shithole like this.

So one guy goes up on the podium and dances, I decide to join in for some stupid dance moves, but the music hasn’t improved at all – its still tripping me out. My partner jumps down on the floor and holds his arms out – he screams to me
Dude: ‘Jump, jump – I will catch you!’…
No fucking way I was going to jump into his arms. He was definitely into me. I step off the podium instead and then he tells me:
Dude: ‘You know, if you jumped I would’ve caught you’
James: haha really
Dude: ‘Yes, I would have caught you… every single day’
James: … haha.. oh really…
Dude: ‘After I finish my beer, I’m going to step into the back room and have some fun with the other guys’ (big smile)
James: Okay.

This guy wants to break me off. I look at M, and his dude is right into his personal space, ranting on about some random stuff. He was definitely drunk, and hitting on M. M looks unfazed by the whole ordeal.

I wanted to get out of this dead ass, shithouse music playing, gay guys hitting on us, pornographically saturated, epileptically bathroom lighted, cockroach-infested club as soon as possible. As soon as the two gay guys danced on their own, I dragged M out. We escape to dance another day.

Cockroaches, bizarre music, very bent, no patrons and a shit atmosphere. ‘The Party’ has nothing going for it and they still have the balls to put cover charge. This is the worst place I have ever been to. Avoid this place at all costs on Friday. These guys seriously need to do some more promoting as just having a myspace page doesn’t cut it anymore these days. Given, Saturdays I have actually seen people outside, so I check it out then, but it is probably a sauna, as we were getting pretty warm just being down there..
The Party @ Club 77 – 0/10 (ZERO)

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4 Responses to The Party @ Club 77: Friday 9th April 2010

  1. James says:

    Try it again on a Saturday. Also try it on something. i.e E, acid, speed.. pot perhaps. Amazing.

  2. Amy says:

    Everytime i’ve been it has been completely packed. Have even had to queue for an hour to get in. The DJs there are Starfuckers – you can see the symbol in the back. I noticed you found them good enough to film them and place them on your page for Future Music..

    • James says:

      Amy – You’re definitely referring to the Saturday Starf*ckers event, which I am aware is busy every week.. This was a review for the Friday event, which has since closed.

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