Saturdays @ Jade Buddha (Brisbane)

On April 19, 2008, in House, Jade Buddha (Brisbane), by James Tran

My first time in Brisbane, and I was dying to see what Brisbane clubbing had to offer. I was with my boss for a working weekend. Apparently ‘Family’ was the biggest club to be, down in the Fortitude Valley.. 10 minutes walk from our Hilton Hotel.

Me: “I’m thinking about going to Family nightclub”
Boss: “Sure, I’ll come”
(Thinking about the young crowd and how my boss wouldn’t like it): “Hmm…”

We had visited Jade Buddha the night before for drinks and my boss loved it. This was all expenses paid trip, so whatever boss says, we do, and I wanted him to enjoy it. Jade had a more mature crowd so I suggested we go to Jade again. I put on my wig and we set forth..

About Jade Buddha
Location: 1 Eagle Street, Eagle Street Pier, Brisbane.
Inside: A two level restaurant / bar, the dancefloor resides within the top level. On entering the top floor there is a bar on the left, a large lounge area in front, and the small dance floor on the left. The dancefloor could hold about 3 – 5 circles of people. Outside in the smoking area theres a nice view of the Brisbane river, whatever it’s called.

About Jade on Saturdays
Music: House
Crowd: Mature
Dress Code: Casual, but since most people had dinner earlier downstairs, were wearing smart-casual
Cover Charge / Entry Fee: Free. This place isn’t a club. This was more a Brisbane version of Bar 333 on George St. but with water views and expensive dinners.
Atmosphere: Relaxed.

For the second night in a row I was asked for ID while my boss waltzes right in. At least I still look 18. After a bad quality dinner experience (if i were a food critic, I wouldnt recommend this place), we went upstairs.

Dancing with the Boss
I visualised the whole floor being cleared for dancing, but alas, only that small proper dance area had people dancing. After a few minutes of sidelining, me and the boss joined in. Realise, my boss is in his late 30’s early 40’s, so I kept the moves simple for him to follow. People were looking at us.. well the funky hair I was wearing, but said nothing. My boss was enjoying himself. Then two girls approached us. I was madly thinking “I hope my boss is okay with the girls talking to me”. The girls then started talking… to my boss! I just stood there, my dance moves going limp.. watching as these two attractive women talk to him instead of me.

What did they ask my boss?
They asked him if he was a teacher!! He was wearing his shirt around his neck like a cardigan. Now, looking like that in a nightclub isn’t too fashionable but it did get the girls to help him out in the fashion stakes, and us into their little hen’s night circle. I forgot all their names, but they were pretty friendly. Complimenting my hair, while one girl in particular repeated to me every 10 minutes that I should remind my boss to never ever wear a cardigan in a nightclub again.

What did they ask me?
They asked me if I was.. gay! I was a young, attractive, sexy, spunky asian guy dancing with an older white guy. It was obvious he was my sugar daddy, wasn’t it? I flatly denied it but they refused to accept this truth throughout the night.

Penis straws
Then the hen’s night girls took out their penis straws. That’s right.. straws with penises with testicles on the end to suck your liquids out of. They then placed them all over our bodies… it was a shocking look.

another hen’s night
I spotted another Hen’s night. I saw the hen. I went right in front of her and danced my soul in front of her. I could feel some girls dancing in the middle of the circle. The bride looked frightenened. I tried to make convo and asked if she wanted to dance (with this complete lunatic who jumped out of nowhere). She flatly said no. Shutdownnnnnn… I left. What’s with these Hen’s not wanting some fun with random guys?

an observer can’t escape me either
Behind the dance floor are some lounges, and people are watching us. Being me, I did a slut kind of dance with one of the folding walls, and they took photos. Oh.. they were in trouble. I waved, and they waved back. This was a good sign. I ran around into their little circle to the photographer, grabbed her camera and handed it to another person. While she was sitting down, I sat on her lap facing her and I pretended to ride her, much to the laughter of her friends around. I see one of the floor guards approaching us and i quickly jump off , absolutely praying in my head that I don’t get kicked out for dry-riding the girl. He gives me a glare but I’m sober, and I walk in a very sober manner to the floor again.

The wig gets exposed
A random woman walks up to me and takes off the wig. OMG. How did she know?? She told me she had the exact same wig at home! Damnit! She was hot, but her boyfriend was there, laughing away. Oh well. The first set of hen’s night girls notice my wig, and approach me and the boss again. Each and every one of them try on the wig and take photos of themselves. We dance again with the girls, some who were drunk. The only sober one was the Hen herself. WHY IS IT ALWAYS HER THAT’S SOBER?? Just let some guys have his predatorial fun. My boss soon leaves at 1am for some rest.

Me and 4 of the hen’s night girls leave for Karaoke together at around 1.30am. Jade Buddha isn’t a club so its unfair to compare it that much to other clubs, but its a good lounge to bring some friends to relax or dance the night away to without the entry fee. It could almost be like the upstairs bit of Cargo Bar. You can actually have a conversation as well as dance a bit. Of course, only for the mature crowd. Not the place for a pure clubber.


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